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Thread: For a laugh...

  1. #21

    An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.
    - Jef Mallett

    Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.
    - Charles Darwin

  2. #22

  3. #23
    A French doctor says
    ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man,
    put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.’

    A German doctor says
    ‘That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person,
    put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

    The Russian doctor says
    ‘In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person,
    put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.’

    An American doctor, not to be outdone, says
    ‘You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois;
    put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.

  4. #24
    Just some thoughts.......

    Marriage changes passion...................
    Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.


    I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
    So I said 'Implants?' .......... She hit me.


    How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over
    fifty for Miss America ?


    I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting
    clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in
    the first place!


    When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'


    Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the
    difference.


    Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press
    'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!


    Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in
    prison?


    Wouldn't you know it....
    Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.



    Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments
    cannot be displayed outside?


    Bumper sticker of the year:
    'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a
    soldier'


    And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the
    end, the faster it goes.

  5. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by ScaRZ View Post
    ... An American doctor, not to be outdone, says
    ‘You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois;
    put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.
    Last edited by norenrad; 01-23-2012 at 11:01 PM.
    This isn't poetry, this is the language of reality.

  6. #26
    Zapiro is without a doubt South Africa's best cartoonists, and drew this cartoon on the occasion of this year's 'State of the Nation Address' which was given on Friday.

    An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.
    - Jef Mallett

    Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.
    - Charles Darwin

  7. #27
    Another Zapiro:



    (originally posted at: http://mg.co.za/zapiro/all )
    An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.
    - Jef Mallett

    Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.
    - Charles Darwin

  8. #28
    Super Moderator newyorklily's Avatar
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    Some drone humor from The Onion
    www.disclosurebeginsathome.wordpress.com
    Disclosure begins at home so start a conversation about UFOs.
    "Debunkers are like school yard bullies." - Kevin Smith to Leslie Kean, August 31, 2010

  9. #29
    "I'd be a lot more worried about the potential loss of privacy if the Google Street View car hadn't already caught me passed out on my front lawn last year."

    Now that's funny!

    I think I saw that one.
    This isn't poetry, this is the language of reality.

  10. #30

    English is easy

    SO YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY?

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language.. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

    2) The farm was used to produce produce.

    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse any more refuse.

    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

    10) I did not object to the object.

    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

    13) They were too close to the door to close it.

    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

    17) The wind was too strong to wind up the sail.

    18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


    There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

    It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

    We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

    And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

    We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more..... When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...

    When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

    When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

    One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP , so.........it is time to shut UP!
    An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.
    - Jef Mallett

    Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.
    - Charles Darwin

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