Pandora'sParadox

I would be careful about saying I want to meet an ET. Negative aliens might take that as permission and be allowed to interfere in your life more. It looks like freewill is protected by higher powers. I know Montalk said he'd like to see some aliens when he was young, and he suffered abductions after that. Similar thing with demons, there is permission involved.

The way the image was suddenly burned into your mind, well that doesn't sound like you're just randomly visualizing something. It sounds like some other psychic being or piece of technology is imprinting that into your mind. Maybe it's your subconscious intuition manifesting as a clear image of a grey interaction. The star you saw get bigger could have been some alien spacecraft.

At first I thought maybe you might have had a military abduction, then they sent a picture of a grey into your mind so you'd think it's aliens-- but you did see a UFO thing, so maybe it was aliens. Maybe they put you back in time to the moment they took you! And all you noticed was that you suddenly limped a bit and had an injury 'out-of-the-blue'.

Your story reminds me of a night where a nice female voice spoke to me in bed, saying "Would you like to know exactly what's going on with you?" I suddenly saw an image of an attractive, female Nordic in my mind. Then a moment later I suddenly had this image of a Grey alien appear in my mind. So maybe we're being sent images by someone, or we're intuitively interpreting something as a sudden mental image.

Thank you for your comments. It's nice to see that someone else has opinions on the matter. (100+ views and not a single comment?) Kind of gets me paranoid at who might be reading my story...LoL

Your first part is absolutely right, and I should have specified. I'm talking of the instance that Linda Howe regarding the high ranking officer who apparently met with an E.T. in a secure S-4 location. I would volunteer as a sort of medium or possibly try to interpret any messages they might want to send. This officers story is really unique and plays out just how that sort of situation would be handled. I'm looking for the exchange of cosmic information, not malevolent childs play.
Referencing your second paragraph, having done research into mind tech, this is not the thing that scares me...It's very possible, that an image was "beamed" into my head. The concern is from "us" or "them". I'm very good at recollecting unique events. Some people let emotion drive how they interpret situations. My more analytical side takes over and I focus on location, shape, smells, ect. I attribute that to a fine arts class on abstract art. This allows me to give the best description possible and essentially pass on anything I feel is important.

~Remembering the events, the instant I turned on the lights was the key factor in all of this. The very instant, that the light hits the rods & cones in my eyes, there is an image. But not like a solid picture, but enveloping my entire field of view. I can draw a picture...color it...and say, "That's exactly what i saw". The image was maybe 10% transparent...I could vaguely see the window down the rest of the hallway and the end table...it wasn't until I blinked approx. three times before the image had faded away. Like lights...image is almost solid. 1st blink and raised eyebrow...image starts to become transparent....and so forth until it was gone. My focus wasn't on the eyes you would normally think of drawing attention. My abstract focus kicked in and I was drawn to the very skinny upper torso section of this image, as well as the pale/grey ish hue to the tone of the skin. Almost like a corpse would look, slight flesh tone, but almost grey. Not to mention the complete absence of a nose, just two little slits, and the very long jaw structure.
But...out of all that, I'm perplexed at what felt very much like a "planted emotion". This is the part I can't stress enough...I was normal feeling one millisecond, and the next it felt like my heart took three giant pumps and immediate anxiety rushed over me. I first attributed this to fear...but right after the experience, laying in bed; I outright ask myself, "Why the hell are you afraid?". As I ended it with how I would love to try and be some sort of contact help. Our feeble minded government can't seem to get it right, why not let someone else have a go.~

The best reference picture I can find would be on the cover of Collins & Doty's "Exempt from disclosure" book. The same skin tone and basically same features all over. Except the image I saw, was a full frontal view. Only now do I remember a very unique smell...not quite hospital smell, but almost a fresh air clean metal kind of smell. (The smell of a freshly opened video game LoL.)

As for military abductions, I can rule that out. I was never alone long enough to be abducted. LoL But...the one thing I have tried to talk to people about and even research individuals, still has me confused. I can't remember anyone's name. Not my wingman, not both of my instructors, not any commanding officers...nothing. I remember faces, but no first or last name at all...for anybody. I've tried to dig, but I get to a lot of dead ends and it just ends up aggravating me more so I quit. I interacted with these people on a daily basis, and can't for the life of me remember one single name.

I plan on doing some recon work of my own in some interesting areas, hopefully to get a response... (I've already got a plan in case I disappear)
But it's like I have this sense of un-knowing or like I've experienced it before. I recall certain "memories" when I was a child, but with the years piling ontop of it, the memories have become faded and almost not there. I do remember one action that would trigger it...running a push lawn mower in a certain section of the yard... O_o Don't ask why, because I don't know...

So...in conclusion, I guess...I'm open to an intelligent exchange of ideas from an E.T. "positive" source. I feel better at least talking about this than just thinking of it constantly. I would love to hear more of your instances if your interested. Again, thanks for your well appreciated time and attention.

LLAP
\ \/ /

It's saying something how vivid the image was-- not a vague, hazy, visualization, but a clear image overlaid on top of your field of vision. I never experienced something like that. I saw grey faces pop into my mind with my eyes closed, but not a clear picture. One time I was meditating trying to uncover blocked memories and saw greys with me on a table -- but how do you know for sure it's not just fantasy? It's hard to say, unless you really get a solid, clear memory of an abduction, maybe by doing hypnosis.

Lights are used in abductions and mind control. White lights are apparently used on UFOs to brainwash abductees. I've heard of black ops military training instances where strobe lights were used during extreme trauma. So maybe the light switch triggered a memory? The light might have reacted with your brain somehow and produced that image. Or maybe some higher power was giving you a message, maybe shocking you a bit to wake you up.

The anxiety may have been triggered by a semi-conscious remembrance of a traumatic experience, possibly abduction. After some missing time I had, when I realized I didn't know what happened for 4 hours, my body was flooded with anxiety. It felt like I subconsciously recognized something scary happened. The mental information of memories was gone, but my body experienced something, because the adrenaline, and whatever hormones or chemicals make you feel that way were stimulated, I was even shaking a little.

Another time I had a dream where 2 loving angels or 'space-brothers' were in my room patting my head saying they love me so much, but I awoke in extreme terror, which is a completely incongruous emotional reaction to such a happy-looking dream. So I think that could have been a screen memory to cover up an abduction.

And I don't think you have to be alone to be abducted. There's a video of a woman demolecularizing in bed while her husband sleeps beside her-- assumedly she was teleported somewhere else, than remolecularized back. I think they use portals and some groups may have the ability to manipulate time. Well all I know is I suspect one 'dream' I think could have been an abduction. I awoke to find that 'the bad guys' were coming to get me again. I yelled at the people sleeping in my living room to fight them off, but they wouldn't wake up. Then I was injected with a needle and blacked out. Later in the dream I was in a chair, injected in the head with a needle, then woke up at home later. That may have been an instance of freezing time perhaps, or maybe just paralyzing people. Or maybe I am jumping to paranoid conclusions lol.

I used to dream...a lot. Very interesting dreams...but not since I was roughly 14.
I've tried hypnosis, but I think my mind is too "developed" to be slip into that state needed to retrieve anything useful.
What I can remember... (For those of you reading this, these are my experiences and not mindless babble. I wouldn't be wasting my time if I didn't feel sharing wouldn't get me anywhere.)

I remember pain...in my younger dreams, an extreme amount of pin-point pain. Like white hot fire, and the smell. One dream focused on my leg, another might have focused on a finger, or wrist region...but I do remember very distinct dreams where I could feel things going on, but couldn't wake up. Some dreams have me limp like a rag-doll with a feeling of weightlessness, then being dropped. Almost like your soul, falling back into your body... Waking up clammy, or weird tastes. ( I have been known to sleep/eat/walk. ) Waking up with both doors of your fridge open and in my right hand there is roughly a 2 lb brownie...the other had 3 different flavors of pop-cycle; it's an eye opening experience. The only other time I felt that sort of weird anxiety was when I watched, "The Forth Kind". I know, it's a bad reference, but this movie made me have nightmares for about 3-4 days. Not having dreams in forever, then having vivid nightmares is a little un-nerving. I've since then bought the movie, and never unwrapped it. LOL, might do a little experiment...

Within the past five years, I've developed this sub-conscious twitch. Wake me up before, and I would arise normally. Wake me up now, and I swing for the fences. Don't know why, and I can't prevent from doing it. (Can't tell you how many times I "bopped" the Mrs. by accident. Now she cranks me with throwable objects from a distance.) Not to mention my extreme tolerance to pain... like self-surgery, no leather belt/whiskey sort of tolerance. I've broken multiple bones, and felt fine enough to let it heal naturally. (My x-rays leave orthopedist's slack-jawed.) LoL
I've went through surgery with little to no anesthetic...(4 wisdom teeth, same sitting) O_o "Never forgetting that one"
It's not like I can't feel the pain, but I can step away from it and harness it...if that makes any sense.

Believe me or not, I really don't give a hoot...
I have a slight family history in the matter. My uncle would recount a very vivid experience with him and two of his friends had at the family farm. Long story short, he got close to "it", but he remembers (they all do) the bright light, the concussive force of being knocked back, and all their watches were different when they came to. Not to mention all objects carried by them at that time. (woo-woo-wait...everything but the watches right?)
Oh...I asked, and his response was, (with a perplexed look out the window) "They didn't know what our time was?" (We invented the chronological tracking unit of measure, what we know as "time")
But, Everyone lost everything else. My uncles wedding ring, loose change, pocket knife, wallet.
His dude friend, money, wedding ring, 08's style polaroid camera, wallet, and one filling. <--- O_o
The female friend, purse, jewelry, hair clip.

My reaction? "Uncle buck, did you get drunk and pass out with everybody?" I then got a burning look of rage and disbelief. LoL
Interestingly enough, they all came to the approximation of losing 4 hrs. Not only that, but my uncles and the ladies wrist watch were ahead by the normal by a hr. The male friends pocket watch was back by two hrs. After the "experience", they ate...slept...a lot. LoL He recalls sleeping almost 12 hrs and eating all of Grandma's fridge. (Uncle, were you high as a kite?) Same look... LoL
After feeling better, the incident is reported...two days later, according to my grandma..."Two men in suits walked around to the back of the farm, took a dirt sample, and left." She says she didn't notice them until she saw them walking around the side of the house through the bathroom window. Being my old country g-ma, she proceeds to start through the house to, "Raise some hell". She yelled at them three times, the usual, "Who the hell are ya?" "What you doin back there?" "I'm getting the gun..." She proceeds to the bedroom, keeping and eye out, but all she said "They" did was, "Take some dirt and leave." No follow-up was given and no return calls came back. ...did I mention he was murdered?...
That is a story in and of itself...but, long story short. Died in a holding cell of sorts...suicide. Family had to get autopsy done independently and found what? Plastic in his throat.
When the whole family got "enraged", the "Higher ups" basically said to forget about it, or your childrens children will constantly be harassed. Like a generation of b.s. to ensure that nobody dug any further than the autopsy. I never dug into anything because I didn't want any sort of attention. He's gone and I can't help him now...sort of thing.
I suppose I have been "disclosed" since a fairly young age. (Maybe 6 or 7) Not that they do or don't exist...but they've been here for a while, we are just good at hiding things.

I know I have blocks...in my head. Like thinking along... then Bam, there's a wall. But not just any wall...one that stops me dead, then I forget what the hell I was thinking of to begin with. It's happened a lot, but I just roll with the punches. (More ginkgo-biloba!)

It helps to talk about it. Kind of like blowing the dust off of an old record. I don't come off as an "enthusiast" of sorts, because I don't talk about it. I remember what my family went through with it all, and I'd rather avoid it. I'm not going to waste time harping on someone with a closed mind...but when that day comes when the truth sees the light, I'm going to be there telling those ignorant fools, "Told you so...I told you...oh you didn't listen?"

Very interesting, sounds like there's something fishy going on with you and your family. I used to forget stuff all the time, even in mid-thought. Besides the suspected abduction blocks, I think a lot of that was from lack of cholesterol and smoking weed back then hehe... It took me a while to accept the reality of aliens, abductions, and milabs. Like even having weird marks, missing time, and my friend seeing an alien in my room, and many other things, wasn't enough to convince me something was going on. Like I kept going back and forth wondering if I'm crazy, so I had to read a lot until I felt I had enough reliable information to feel grounded and understand the situation and basically not feel crazy. But now I'm often in awe looking at the world with everyone running around, having no idea this stuff is going on.

Nothing weird anymore...once everybody gave up, it's like it never happened. Never had any real missing time...(That I can tell)
I could be crazy...but I come off too logical and of sound/mind to be crazy. Lmao
I'm just waiting for the next "experience" to present itself so I can act accordingly.

You seem like a gentleman who has done his own digging...I want to run somethings by you.

If you had to protect yourself from an abduction, how would you do it?
Many articles would claim, "Bullets have no effect on visitors." so would I look my into sound/electro defense? I know, one weird topic...but it's better to be prepared.

Very interesting...

In part of taking some more time off, I find myself going back to that experience, which seems like a dream now. I'm glad I could get my views out and story so that I might remember more clearly.
I tried my experiment, and I think it had a more negative, than positive effect on me. (Hence why I took a little hiatus from posting anything.)

I can't shake the feeling like there is something pulling the "puppet strings" above me...

Having majored in Psy for the beginning of my education, I know all about the ego and "id" of the subconscious. My mind works strictly "almost" to the closest logical explanation.

'How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?'
Sherlock Holmes Quote

This is were my mind starts to tangle. Where do we leave conventional thinking behind, and venture on our own theories? I know what I've experienced, and felt...I know the mainstream mindset of things, and how stupid-easy it is to hide things right in front of people. To have an entire nation under this cloak of secrecy is sickening. If one person is abducted or some sort of E.T. experience happens one state over, it is segregated to that little area and the word of mouth is its only means of transportation. In such a time of technology and social media, it still makes our little nation seem small.

In regards to the security aspect of my last post, I find that motion sensor lighting and a German Sheppard work great for space age tech. Somethings you can't out-date. ;-)

One "thing" I wanted to bring up is....it's more of an observation than anything. Ever since I can remember, I have heard this electric sound. Not all the time, but at the most abnormal times. (Random times) If i were to reference it, it would sound like a pair of night vision goggles powering up...that high frequency buzz that slowly trails off. To the tune of I found a voice recorder in a room, hidden...on two separate occasions. (I could hear a soft buzz sound and was able to find the device hidden in the room. One was in the back of a decorative little bird house, the other was tapped to the underside of a foot stool.) Sometimes its a low hum, lasting maybe 7-10 sec. Sometimes its a high buzz, lasting 5 sec. It all varies...I've had my hearing tested and everything comes back within the normal standard range of human hearing...so I don' know what t think of it.


Wrapping everything up into a condensed form to put towards my "Final Thought", I have this to say...
I know we are not alone. Say disclosure was a solo adventure. The evidence is all around us, you just have to look. So once it is discovered, what does that leave us? Are we looking for some sort of restitution or hazard pay for keeping us in the dark and outright lying for so many years? I feel it resembles the classic school house busy work. Take 45 min to look for the correct answer, and don't tell anyone. Once you have found it, you are somehow higher than those who have yet to find it...
I read these stories of abductees who travel outside of the galaxy and have these outlandish experiences...then come back to earth only to account a few things. Even fewer with the help of regression or other kinds of hypnosis. You would think, that such a high intelligence species would have something to convey or spread a message of "clean up your planet" crap and yet...nothing...
What I wouldn't give to transcend beyond this world and learn the true meaning of our surroundings.
But how do I expect to do anything with so many limitations already put in place?
My mind feels still cluttered and confused, but always in search of something. Just can't decode what it is I'm looking for yet...

It appears you and I both have been along the same "wave length" these past few days.
For me, it's like a spiral roller coaster of "feelings of want?" I put it in terms like this because I cannot classify them as feelings or emotions. It's like I want to know, but can't and no matter how hard "we" try, one will never know. Then it spirals out of control to, "why care?" then, "it's not important to me right now..." then, "this is getting me nowhere". Almost like searching for the ultimate answer to an unknown question, only to find the question is meaningless without the reality around it. Do I just go about my normal doings and wait till this body shrivels up and gives out? (yea...really looking forward to it. 0_o)

You have given me an interesting idea of tracking the "ear tones" throughout when they happen. Time/location/action/and situation will be my 4 key points in recording. Either it's my "electo-sense" or a brain tumor. As Forrest Gump references, "**** Happens".

Following some links from a vid from Lee, I found this gem. The weird thing I connect with is how the beam of light hits him. In my recollections of my uncles story, they tell it the exact same way. Creepy

I wish I'd read all of this sooner. It seems as though you and your family have been through a terrible ordeal. This is a safe place for you to write about it--as much or little as you like. This a very understanding and accepting group of people. Some of us have had experiences, some not, but all have an understanding of the questions that have no good answers. So, take this as a deeper, warmer welcome. You came to the right place.

You guys have already given me the biggest welcome by naturally letting me into discussions and debating topics. It really is good to get things down into text and voice an opinion every once in a while.

As for my "ordeal", it doesn't seem all that weird to me. It has sort of just been in the background, with no real pop up of interests. (I can explain...)
Not that i don't love my family, but it is basically ran by women. What does this have to do with anything you might wonder? (Oh, I'll explain...LoL)
My family is not of the regular sorts. (As most aren't.) But...blend a hard headed Scottish with some off brand blackfoot/apache folk and you get one hell of a stubborn woman. So we have the drinking ability of a god, mixed with the short tempered-ness that similar to an angry bull. o_O
Where am I going with this? (Background information)
So...everytime I questioned about what happened to Uncle "Buck", it was 99.9% met with this answer, "If we dug any further, they would come ofter you kids." Then you reply, "Just tell me"...then you would enrage the Aunt/Grandma/G-Grandma... I guess it comes out of wanting to protect your family. But these women will take secrets to their graves. I don't feel I could get anymore information if I tried. Even if I did, would I be kicking the hornets nest? I'm definitely sure something abnormal happened...just have no hard evidence to really make a difference. I would love to do research and dig into stuff, but I'm not in the mood for "negative attention". The best I could do is to track down family members still remaining and get 1st hand accounts of what they know. (They all say the same thing anyway...)

I've re-read my story multiple times since I posted it...and it all seems like a faded blur. The obscure thing is I've never had a real experience until the beginning of March of this year. I've spent so many wasted hours just watching the skys and doing tedious things that never really amounted to anything. Then all of the sudden, BOOM, then....nothing. 0_o

It makes me think, "Did I waste a moment?", "Did I interpret it wrong?, "Was it all some sort of walking/dream/abnormality?"

Even after harping about it, there are still things that stick out. The "artificial feeling" I referenced before. Also, the immediate loss of function from my right knee. Sort of like...I'm standing, oh no...my knee forgot how to function. "Weeeee". There was no pain...it went ~knee/hip/jell-o feeling to now I'm half down and wtf is going on. The more I try to recall it, the fuzzier it all seems to be...it's teeth gritting-ly frustrating.

And yet...I reflect.

It is not about past event that drives me. Yes, it has provided a unique building ground for questioning the "why's"...
I watch so many interview and documentaries of people explaining these phenomenons. I question, "Why isn't this common knowledge?".
I'd like to think, there is a special place reserved in hell for those who deliberately deceive their fellow being...those who impede the furthering of knowledge and understanding for personal gain. It aggravates me to think of how my fellow man treats one another...
I guess I'm tired of all the lies and false expectations force fed to us by modern social media/ modern standards. The world would live simple, peaceful lives if the truth was presented and without restriction. Let those who wish to live in the dark stay there...let those of us who want to know more; feel free to explore the unknown.
yellow cube

Its been a while...I've distanced myself from "this" sort of thing. Answers where not coming in how I'd hoped...More discouragement than anything else. How I didn't need to know things, or were getting to close to the actual meaning...
Makes me sick at how we can just let things slide due to the ignorance of modern society. So...I've reverted back to my ordinary way of "doing things".

What i can confess, if that there has been an increase in sightings over Ohio. (By myself...I'm seeing more "stuff" lately than ever before.) I've been in contact with some "high ranking" friends. Current and retired...what I have discovered...almost sickens me.

It's as though there are "protocols" for the most outlandish things, and even those who are part of it, just let it slide because, "it's a paycheck and I'm just one man".............o_O.........

I know what I've seen, and heard 1st hand of unique experiences...to try and explain them....only seems useless. I know I appear/seem like a neophyte when it comes to all of this, but I specialize in certain areas. I do not claim to know everything that has happened, nor do take one side or the other. All I can do is take all that I am given, and make a logical assumption on the matters at hand. Being little ol' me...standing in the colonel study, looking at all the memorabilia...trying to muster up the courage to ask about "them"......getting back a look and answer I'll never forget...I won't go into detail, but certain things shouldn't be said.

Not most, but part of the things discussed are true. As plain as the air we breath...right in front of us, yet, only the privileged are aloud access to.

I doubt I would have never come across this info, Had I not known them great men for many years...and there secrets will stay "between men".

I feel like I owe a debt...yet have been kept in the dark about the "things" that have been going on. Why should I care???
I know this is all cryptic and almost useless...but if I'm to pass along one thing, its...

The basis of ufology is there...all the foundation is real and has been for about 40 odd yrs. it's our own curiosity that fuels the falsehoods and non-sense that we review today. Stick to the fundamentals and check the facts...make your own conclusions.

Often, that's where the most obvious answers lay.

...Sigh...

5k views and little responses....

Might be the Scots/Irish heritage talking, but if the ratio was compared to bricks, I wouldn't have $h1t to stand on.

See where I get the " discouragement" issue?

I've been thinking over your last posts, trying to be sure I understand. It seems you are experiencing some of the baffling frustration that anyone who becomes serious about these things goes through, especially when we have put some of our heart and soul into it. The 5K views is a good example. That is a lot of views for no responses (or almost none) but I think it illustrates the problem, which is very few people are going to interface with somebody who wants to get serious about this. Certainly, nobody "official" with any career to protect is going to go there. We see all kinds of people running around doing research and writing up results and debating and having a good time. As long as it is kept "out there" all we see are differences of opinion. But when someone wants to take it to the level of approaching the Powers that Be, big and small, we see mostly deafening silence. So here we are. The question is, for me, what do we do next? The answer for me is we keep pushing, maybe differently or more subtly, and maybe somebody begins to respond.

I'm not even looking for the "definitive" answer anymore. I know what I know, and it's frustrating.

On one hand, you have a suppression of information beyond anything imaginable...
On the other, you have an entire planet, who collectively believes this is appropriate...

The "Powers at Be" go waaaaaay beyond anything, any of us could even fathom. One that operates beyond any conventional means of "warfare". If the $$$ doesn't crush you, the psycho torment will get you eventually. To alienate one in our society is worse than being excommunicated, because NOBODY can live without their social media...even next gen gaming systems have developed a new level of "social gaming".

So lets just heard more cattle into a more defined group, still.....doing nothing....

I'm flabbergasted with the lack of interest (concerning the general public) for ANYTHING other than current trending issues. If the Earth was heading for a black hole, we would be more worried about "who said what on whatever lastnight". but...what perplexes me more is the "unknown science of ""the human"" "
A complex, detailed analysis of how we work...sort of like a blueprint. How the mind works, but not 100% accurate. It maps more along the lines of (next order thinking reaction). Hahaha, I know...hard to keep up.
Seeing this very official layout of...basically how to manipulate the human mind...opened my eyes to a whole different way of thinking. As though the brain is an onion, and with layers, comes certain defense mechs, along with the break down of ones "ood'e'loop" (sort of like an operating procedure)

I really thought I would have seen some sort of protest or rally movement by now for information...but with the $ going down, one must work longer/harder to sustain the lifestyle set by modern societies expectations. who has time for research...

What do we have to gain from so much silence? Is greed playing a definitive roll in how our information is distributed? "Heavens no!"
You would think that we would have very little to gain from being so secretive, and not sharing the collective knowledge as to build one giant super thinking brain planet!?!?! ( optimistic side repressing...... )

In conclusion, I agree whole hearted-ly Doc. We must keep our eyes forward, and keep the push going. I will not be labeled as one of the cattle...I claw my way beyond the conventional order of thinking, and sometimes produce one hell of a guess, but I refuse to be herded into any way of "modernized thinking". I just wish I could give those who had the power, the strength to do what needs to be done.

atmjjc...your words are like ear food. LoL

My problem, is that I believe I'm striving too hard for the "absolute truth" to things. but...like you said, what we want the truth to be and what it is; are two very different things. What am I supposed to perceive???(That's my big question) ...because it would be sooo much easier to be told how things work...but we do not get this luxury.

I would love to hear your thought on my "journey". My self-reflectiv'ness can always use an outside thinker. LoL (which by the way, I find some of your post to be mind blowing, but I never respond...because I dont know how. LoL)

As for your question...
What ever gave you that idea?

...just a side note, having my spidey sense...right meow.



1:18 am, Mon, hit enter, took a drink of my angry orchard. HIGH PITCH CHALK BOARD SQUEELING......fml.

A very long/interesting evening\story simplified...

Had some drinks with some very interesting people. Got my very much needed information update about "stuff we shouldn't know"...
It all sounds/appears to be political b.s. games....seriously...
Me, sitting around the circle style stool thing...listening and taking so much in. These individuals talking about things that would make most people shutter and question, but in my experience, if you just let a person talk, they will tell you more than you need to know.
Me...sitting there...drinking grey duck and cranberry w/ 2 slices of lime, all I can focus on is the lime slices...because if I don't, then I'll end up asking the first hair brained question that pops into my head and throw off the entire flow of conversation...so I sit, quiet, as a fly on the wall...as they talk about current issues and terrorist plots. (which btw, our news is terrible...whatever it says, take the opposite.)
Sipping my drink as one mentions rape and murder in the middle east, the other talks about training missions for a black out mission...ya know, the usual.
All I want to do is get my questions answered, but I'm slowly starting to realize, that my "issues" are not "trending" at this point and time.
All I can do, is modify my approach and hopefully make a break through. I'm trying a more spiritual approach, hoping that something is hidden, or locked away...I've been trying to reach out to people for advise, but get very little in positive encouragement. It's almost to the point of me outright asking very straight forward questions, but then my motive would be questioned. Not in the instance of "I would just like to know", more of "why do you need to know that?"...Frustrating!
My focus seems to be drawn away from the normal...like something is pushing me to be more "in tune" with the psy side of my inner person. Hopefully following this will ease my tensions, as well as provide at least one answer. Moving forward, no matter how small, is progress...right???

If anyone has some interesting techniques to detaching ones self from the physical form, I'm all ears...been trying to find some new ways to "think" and find myself on the verge of something...then fall asleep...or what I presume is sleep, but more of a black hole, until I fall back within myself. (trance?) Don't know if that makes any sense, but it is what it is.

Had one hell of a "mind experience" so to speak...
Sort of reevaluated what I've been doing and reassured me of my intentions. Keeping positive and being simple has sort of equaled my energy. (For now)...

If one could imaging, a sort of intense desert "trip". Like the corny ones in movies when people take drugs with indians. No drugs were involved, just hit that trance state I was looking for...

Probably one of the most intense things I've ever "not" experienced. I could describe it, but I feel it would be taking away from the meaning. All in all, just make sure your true to yourself first...you only get one life, live in the now. Make the most of what you have, realize that the little things mean more...realize what a "friend" is and learn to be a good one in return. Rise above your fears and accept that something are the way they are for a reason...nothing can be done. Sort of an unburdening/realization that reality is the "what" we live in...and it's like ~this~. "Shoulder shrug+ disappointment face"

My journey has taken me to new heights....I do not recommend this for everybody.
Having my "Dr. Faustus Complex" moment sort of. Is there a said "do not cross" line in which we can tip-toe towards?
Only as if to peek over for a slight second to view of the other side?
Once you've crossed, I don't believe there is any way to say, "I've changed my mind"...red pill blue pill sort of crap.

Lol...

Referenced this in something earlier, maybe the first blog. What would one do given the opportunity to chose...
What would you do...?